Back from the dead ...

 

The week after the 3rd chemo session was a nightmare affair.  So many things happened all at once and I felt like I was completely losing my mind.

First off the symptoms were different. The metallic taste in the mouth was replaced by no taste and nausea. The whole body ached and I was short of breath. I couldn't concentrate on more than one thing at a a time. I had to do all things sequentially. I could visibly feel that my body and mind were slowing down. 

There were so many things going on in the family that week too. And that was draining me. I was in a daze most of the time just eating and sleeping and moaning with body aches. I could feel myself slipping into disarray and depression. Even thinking about it now to write this post is making me uneasy.

I have heard stories of people who started chemo all brave and then stopped half way because it was too much to handle. I could very well understand why and how that would happen. All I could do was just wait and be patient and kind to the body. There was really nothing else I could do. 

As per the doctors predictions these severe symptoms only last the first 7 days and after that they start to settle down. And true to form they did. What I realised was that it wasn't so much the symptoms changing or the effects it had on me, but rather the fact that I was not prepared for it. I was expecting to brave through it like the previous 2 weeks. But it wasn't to be.

Actually now come to think of it I wasn't really expecting it to be smooth sailing. When there were no major symptoms in the first 2 cycles I wasn't congratulating myself or thinking that I was somehow special than the rest of the people and what the doctors research would say. I just thought that since after the surgery they had given me 5 pints of blood I was running on that. Also initially the chemo chemicals come on to a healthy body. But as the body gets hit again and again with the chemo more and more damage would happen. So I was kind of expecting the worse to come after a few sessions. 

But no one believed me. Everyone kept saying ," But that's not what the doctors said"," Your body should get used to the chemicals and it will become easier for the body to handle", "You are almost done", "Celebrate the half way milestone" etc etc

None of it made sense to me as I lay in bed waiting for the day to end, the night to end ...

Then the 7th day came and BOOM ! No symptoms no pains, no nothing. It was as if I came back from the dead. All lively and body was in good condition too. For the rest of the 2 weeks until the next cycle life at home actually returned to some what normal. I was cooking, cleaning, washing, doing the school run, working full days etc 

I cannot explain, but surely some strange things happen with chemo ... !